2 hour delays and friends

This blog is a random stream of thoughts.
One aspect of Christmas that I love are the little parties. I love sausage balls and dips. I love being pregnant and being able to eat whatever I want virtually guilt free. For the first time in months I have not been violently sick (only threw up once today!) The aversions I had to food are dissipating and so I embrace all of the yummy items that people specialize in.

As a teacher most of my friends are teachers and most of my get-together are with teachers. All we talk about during the school day is getting away from school, but then when we are at a party we talk about school again. This particular party though ended in the rejoicing of a two hour delay! We are grownups, but still love the chance to sleep in and get work done.


Lily had a friend over this afternoon. She is now old enough to really play with another kid, and it was cute to watch her show off her toys and laugh and giggle on the floor while they played together. The shouted with glee and yelled WEEEEE! everytime the train set went around.  I love that the little boy now says UhOh every other word because he is trying to be like Lily. The sweetest moment was  when the two kissed goodbye, they were so cute and looked just like one of those postcards of the kids that are in black and white! I love her and I love this age, so special.

I would have peed my pants for sure

^{Luke 2:10 8}And in the same region there were shepherds out in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. ⁹And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with fear. ¹⁰And the angel said to them, "Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. ¹¹For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. ¹²And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger." ¹³And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,
 ¹⁴ "Glory to God in the highest,
   and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!"



On a slightly different note, this dog made me happy

Five days till Christmas break

People always say that Christmas is the time when dreams come true, so dream big.

I dreamed that as  a teacher I would make a difference.

I dreamed that I could change the world, one student at a time.

I thought that if I worked hard enough, and prayed long enough, and loved the kids enough then lives would be changed, and the world would be a better place. I do not think this anymore.



Christmas is the time or perpetual hope, and despite the countless times a  student may let me down, or an entire class may let me down , I continue to be optimistic of the future. I feel that as a person I am losing hope. This is not me, or who I am, but who I am becoming and I do not like it. I want to make a difference, I want to make the world a better place. How many times must I fall flat on my face in front of my students, realizing I failed at my goal yet again before it is enough?
Is God giving me a lesson in perseverance or is it a sign that I should do something else with my life and become a stay at home Mom.

I know that Christmas is coming, and students are getting excited, but this is not a new problem, this has been growing and building over the past few years and no amount of training or schooling or certifications has made it any easier.

I used to have little things happen to me, or have things students and coworkers would say to get me through the day. It has been a long time and when it does happen it is sweet and delightful, but often followed by a storm.
Perhaps I have grown selfish, I did not become a teacher for me, I knew it was the position of a servant, we are serving the youth of our society and as I know future teachers will be reading this I feel guilty to be so honest. I am sad and lonely in this profession and feel as though I am drowning and do not know what to do about it.

Baking cookies

Many families have traditions when it comes to baking Christmas cookies. Growing up I remember doing thousands of cookies with my mom and delivering them to all the shut-ins in the church. As those lovely old men and women died, so did the hords of cookies. We would always bake some, but it was never the same.
This year Jeremy wanted to learn and so I said would teach him. We would start our own tradition. I was excited to use my new Pampered Chef Cookie Press, and cookie sheets, and so we went out it, making 21 dozen cookies. Jeremy stated about 1/3 of the way through that he was not having as much fun as he thought he would and realized that making cookies was not nearly as fun as eating the cookies. He was good at it, but insisted on following the recipe instead of listening to my little tricks that I knew would make the cookies better, and make the process easier. He learned I am right. We had fun and I am sure will do it again, but this was not the highlight of the evening.
Perhaps my favorite part of baking is cookies is watching people eat them. Jeremy loves my cooking and baking and I love watching him eat my cookies, and sneak them when he things I am not looking. I always pretend to be mad, like the cookies are for something special, and even if they are, I always make enough for him to have his fill. This year I had two who were sneaking cookies. The first cookie Lily snuck was sitting on the edge of counter and she reached up and said "mmm yummy". This was to cute to take the cookie away so I let her eat it as she went on and on saying "yummy mommy, yummy mommy". As the night went on however I noticed her crawling on to the chairs by the dining room table and grabbing another cookie, always one with sprinkles or m&ms and always saying , "ohh yummy mommy". At some point we needed to put an end to this ,but it gave me such joy to see her enjoying them as I began to imagine the future and present Christmas memories out little simple family has and will have. Lily was wound up from the cookies, and stayed up way past her bed time, but I would not have traded it for anything. I love her, and I love jeremy, and I love Moses, who through all of this was being teased by Lily who is normally more then willing to share anything with him, but would not give him one bite of the cookies I made.

are little things still little if you write about them

Having kids makes you realize so much about yourself. Perhaps what it has made me realize more then anything else is how quickly time flies. My daughter will do something and it will be wonderful and sweet, special and cute...but it changes, in a day, or  a week she will never do that cute thing again.

 When we set up our Christmas tree I will never forget her face, she lit up with everything that came out of the box. Unlike last year where she was just mesmerized by the lights, and gently cooed, she giggles and dances, shouts out ball everytime she sees a bulb, and kisses each light, because she is just sweet.

She has also embraced the word NO. Unfortunately Jeremy and I cannot keep a straight face most of the time she uses it.
She is already very sensitive and refuses to leave any toy behind, no matter how many trips it requires of her.


I struggle daily with whether or not I am missing to many of her  cute "little things"  while i spend my days teaching Americas youth, and trying to improve everyones future. Most days I come home feeling as though I have both failed as a teacher, and failed as a mother. I love my daughter and I am afraid that my job will make me a different person for her. That I will grow more and more cynical, critical and bitter at the flaws of society.

Well I need to go enjoy the uhohs and tea parties....